Finding Healing On My Yoga Mat
By Kimberly Botta, guest contributor
I first started to become preoccupied with my weight in elementary school. I remember being preoccupied with fidgeting as I ate, as I thought it would help me burn calories.
This obsession continued through puberty and became increasingly dangerous. At age 18 I dropped a significant amount of weight, stopped menstruating, and was admitted to the hospital where my caloric intake and emotional state were monitored.
I endured many brief hospitalizations, and over the next decade, my mood fluctuated nearly as much as my weight. Severe depression and anxiety went hand in hand with the body dysmorphia and eating disorder symptoms I experienced. During this time, I was less than kind to my body and often did not nourish it how it needed.
I first found my way onto a yoga mat in 2012, but soon thereafter abandoned the practice as I continued to struggle with the eating disorder. It wasn't until after the birth of my son in 2019 that I truly began to do the healing work that had called to me years ago. I stepped onto my mat once again, and this time, I was honest with myself. My body had not only survived a very traumatic emergency casearan section, it had thrived.
I began to heal slowly at first, dealing with the anxiety of postpartum depression as I flowed on my mat. Yoga become more than just excercise for me, and for the first time, I understood that I could move my body for other reasons than burning calories.
As I started to feel better, I became mindful of my body each time I practiced. I watched it progress. It was strong, it was reliable. This body that I was so cruel to for so many years was now the most important tool in this life changing practice.
Yoga showed me that my body and mind are one, so it matters that I am gentle and speak kindly to myself while at the same time realizing all the strength and power it wields. Yoga has the ability to bring so much healing and awareness. Finding my way back to my mat was learning self love again.
I wish that healing for everyone.
About Kimberly Botta. I am 31 years old. I studied psychology at Point Park University. I'm a loving wife and mother and currently getting my 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training Certification. I hope to bring the healing I have found in yoga to others through my teaching.